Me neither.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:10 am

Gabe looked up at the partly clouded sky. "I think songs like that are missing in our society" he said without taking his eyes off the cyan blue. "True, sincere stuff." Then again, the songs arent the only things lacking in sincerity. He sighed. It's a melody created entirely for you. It's my gift to you - you can do what you want with it. His eyes, darkly fixed back upon William, transmitted the message without words.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:16 am

William looked down at the sky's reflexion in the water and smiled. "Sometimes songs are the only things people are willing to listen to." He looked up again. "It's going to be a hit, and I hope it gets played on every station until it's stuck in your head."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:24 am

"Even if I only hear it once, it'll be stuck in my head" he said with a smile. And that'll never be a bad thing. "I know you'll make it unforgettable." A bit like you made your imprint on me unforgettable. As frustrated as he was to be dwelling into past - and happy, yes - memories, he couldn't help himself. As if all the bad things that had happened since then had forced him to think of good. And like that, Gabe couldn't think of better.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:32 am

William's cheeks turned pink. He was used to compliments, just not like that one. "Thanks. I'll try my best to do justice to the melody." He ran a wet hand in his hair. "Maybe years from now you'll hear it and remember the time we spent here."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:38 am

As if he'd been a child caught stealing candy, Gabe sank into the water to hide the sudden flush of his cheeks; William had said what he'd been thinking. Weird, how it's always him voicing out what I can't say. I guess I really am a coward. He blew bubbles in the water and lifted himself back up. I gotta stop being a coward. "Despite - despite the bad times, I don't think I can remember having been felt as good as I felt here with you" he finally said. Shit, that was too much. Dammit.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:47 am

William smiled a little, careful not to make it any more embarassing for Gabe. He sighed. "They weren't just empty words," he said. "I never loved anyone the way I loved you. I actually thought we had something and nothing would take that away. I abused it. I wish I could still make it up for the bad times and everything I've done wrong."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:54 am

The dark eyes stared down seriously at the younger man. "...why'd you do it?" he asked with a small voice. He didn't care if he sounded childish or too vulnerable. He'd been hurt - and embarassed - more than once in his life. He could take it again, if it meant answers. "Didn't you think of me at all the time we weren't together?" He made sure, however, to keep his voice from shaking.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:04 am

"I did," William said. "I did all the time. You already how the first two times happened - drugs with Sisky, vulnerability with Pete." He bit his lip. "It wasn't like that with Tom. He told me...he said he hadn't ever slept with someone he loved. And well, I...I wanted to get it over with once and for all. I loved Tom, just...not the way I love you. I slept with him to make sure I could put aside my feelings for him once and for all, and just be with you." He looked down. "Obviously you weren't supposed to find out. Tom knew my terms; he knew there wouldn't be anything else between me and him."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:09 am

William's words ringed all through Gabe's head. Wasn't being with me enough? But he wouldn't pester on with more questions. "M'kay" he simply said while tracing invisible patterns with a finger in the water.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:18 am

William knew Gabe didn't need to hear more, but he still went on. "I have no excuse for what I did, and it's certainly not something I'm proud of." He looked at Gabe insistantly, hoping to see his eyes. "But I just want you to know that I never, ever lied about my feelings for you. I told you the truth, and I told them the truth as well. They all knew you were the only one who really mattered. I'm sorry it's not what I let show when I was with you."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:25 am

Gabe sighed, unsure what to make of William's words. He was closer now than he had ever been to the brunette since they had last fought. Gabe felt as dirty as William felt, although for entirely different reasons. Guilt rushed through him. If only I could be with you for one night. It was a selfish and greedy thing to want, something he'd never voice out, and he hated himself for even thinking it. "Yeah" he said. "Well, I never expected you to be a perfect angel. You're human, I guess." And so am I. Atrociously human.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:35 am

"Human?" William repeated. "No, selfish. I was selfish. I never occured to me that I could lose you the way I did. It opened my eyes." He finally looked away, unable to think properly while facing the other man. "I won't try to buy your forgiveness, but...if there's anything I can do that could compensate in any way for the mistakes I've made, tell me so."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:43 am

Gabe felt himself blush a bit. "No-no... I wouldn't make you do anything. I'm not like that." I'm not like that. It's wrong. He shifted from one side to the other in the water. It was oddly warm; the sun, despite the many thick trees, must've pierced through and warmed it up. It's wrong. Like blackmail. Or worse. Gabe kept repeating to himself in thought. He hated himself for being so flustered. Now I probably look like the worst idiot. But he couldn't deny how much he'd missed the singer; how much his body missed him as well. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. He tried to regain control over his reaction. "It's okay" he added.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 8:52 am

William felt a little sick, but he smiled despite it all. "You're lying. I know what you have in mind. You want to sleep with me, right?" He chuckled. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. I'd do it if you asked me." He kept a straight face. I lost every chance I had of ever being anymore than the music industry's whore, he thought, reformulating Pete's words. Of course I miss Gabe, but in so many other ways as well. My body is bruised and hurt everywhere, and I'm still scared. But I owe him, don't I? I owe him one last favor. He shuddered despite the heat. I'm just disappointed he doesn't want anything else from me.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:01 pm

William's last words hit him like a stone to the face. "What?! NO!" He grabbed William's shoulders. "I'd never do anything like that! You know it! You know I'd never want you to do that!" I'm just not used to going so long without... "How could you even think?" And he let go of William's shoulders. "I won't touch you, or you might think I want to rape you" he said. Beyond the fact that it had been the worse thing he had thought since arriving, Gabe couldn't believe William said he'd actually do it. Does that mean he'd do it with anyone?

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:08 pm

William smiled sadly. "You're lying again, but...thank you for not forcing me to do it." He looked away, letting himself sink a little more in the water. "What happened with Pete scared me. It really did, and I'm...well, I'm not sure I'm ready to do it again. Have sex with a guy." He bit his lip. "Not unless it means something."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:13 pm

"No!" He slouched in the water at even height. He wanted to get closer to William, but wasn't sure it was a good idea. "Don't go thinking I only want you for sex, because that's not true. Okay? I don't even know where you got the idea in the first place." I just fucking miss you. And remembering our first days here got me in a wad. And you noticed, I guess. Gabe stopped in his thoughts. "Not unless it means something." Had he heard properly?

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:18 pm

William took Gabe's hand to show him he hadn't done anything wrong. "It's okay. I believe you." He smirked a little. "So you don't want me just for sex?" He was certain Gabe hadn't thought before speaking, but the way his words had come out made him smile.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:41 pm

"No, of course-" he stopped. "...of course not. I'd never want just that." And up until now, I thought that was what you wanted me for. William's previous words were still stuck in Gabe's mind. Had he finally understood? "I'm glad you won't let just anyone touch you. It's..." reassuring."...well, I just think if we're more careful, not so many bad things would happen."

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:50 pm

William didn't understand what Gabe had meant. "I wouldn't want empty words either. Even liking someone isn't enough for me anymore. It's pretty stupid, but...I really want love. Something steady, for once. I wouldn't sleep with 'good friends' or any of that shit. Do you understand?" There's only you.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 2:55 pm

Gabe got himself closer to William. "So... say Siska, or even Tom, came to you for sex. You'd just turn them down?" Tell me I'm understanding right here. Gabe's breathing was normal, but he was anticipating William's answer. I don't want empty words, neither.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sat Sep 01, 2007 3:31 pm

William nodded, fully understanding that he couldn't lie. "Yes. I'd refuse. There's only one person I want to be with, so there should be only one person I can have sex with. I understood that too late, didn't I?"

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:06 am

"A bit, yeah." Does that mean you fully understand that now? His fingers played along William's in the water.

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:09 am

William was confused. Gabe had blatantly agreed that it was too late, yet he didn't mind touching him. He stared at both of their hands through the clear water. "So what do we do, then?"

Subject: Re: Me neither. Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:14 am

As if I know any more than you do. What an ironical situation we've got. He shrugged. "I don't know" he said. He wished he could have said more. He continued to play along William's fingers.