Fall apart and start again

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 1:58 am

William shifted nervously, and bit his lip at Sisky's words. "It would help if you could tell me why you faked it all along." He finally found the courage to lift his head and look at Gabe. "Sorry if I'm pretty slow." He smiled nervously. "I didn't see it coming, really. Is it because I did something wrong?"

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

"No! It's not you," he said. The more he looked at the man in front of him, the more he wanted to yell that he'd been wrong and to forgive him. But he knew he couldn't do so. He swallowed. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "I don't know what I'm doing." He lifted his eyes to William.

Number of posts : 1592 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-07-13

Sisky watched the two older men from a small distance, his arms wrapped around his lover. He looked up at the Butcher sadly. Look at them. So close yet so far apart.

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 2:10 am

William shrugged. "Okay, then. I just hope you'll be making the right decisions and all. Good luck, I guess?" He patted the man's shoulder. "No harsh feelings. I understand. We can still be friends, right?" Stop shaking. Stop. Shaking.

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

Gabe gave a weak smile. Maybe he isn't taking it as harshly as I thought. That's good. "Sure. We still need to write that song, right?" Gabe said. He looked back down at the sand, unsure if he had said the right thing. He couldn't ever be sure of what he did and said now.

Number of posts : 1592 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-07-13

"I wish I were Cupid," Sisky mumbled to Butcher and mimed shooting the two nervous men in the butts with a bow and arrows. "Maybe I should tackle them both?"

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 2:21 am

Wrong words, Gabe. I'll still not used to it. William sighed, but it came out as a sob. He frowned. Fuck, I need to get over it. "I don't really want to do it anymore," William replied. "I-If you don't mind. It kind of meant a lot to me, and...yeah. Now it wouldn't make any sense, would it?"

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

William's words only made him realize more the mistake he'd done. Gabe had to fight back his own tears. "I guess not," he said with a frown. He shook his head and swallowed. "You probably don't want anything to do with me anymore," he said. He tried to supress a sob. "I'm sorry..." he started. If I could take it all back.

Number of posts : 1592 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-07-13

"I'm going to go over there to punch them both if they don't do... something I dunno, in a couple minutes." Sisky whispered to Butcher. "I'd be like Cupid just not hiding out behind a tree in a little diaper."

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 2:37 am

"I don't know. I guess...I guess you're right. I mean, it's pointless if I can't get over it. We need to just do our thing and go our separate ways." William sighed. He had done a lot of sighing in the past minutes, and it was all out of desperation. "You'd probably refuse if I asked to kiss you one last time, right?" He chuckled. "Obviously. I don't know, that was stupid. Sorry."

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

Gabe's heart fluttered for a split second. He took a step closer to William and looked into his eyes. "And you'd probably refuse if I asked you to forgive me? I..." He swallowed. "I made a mistake. I ran away, but now I can't convince myself leave you." He looked down. "What am I gonna do? You hate me now" he whispered. Fuck, I've got nothing to lose. Even my dignity is long gone. "I actually omitted a small part about Alex," he said with a frown.

Number of posts : 1592 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-07-13

Sisky raised his hands as if he were playing with sock puppets. "'Oh Gabe, is there something you want to tell me?' 'Yeah. Te quiero.' 'Really?' 'Yeah, you're kinda scary but I love you' 'I love you too!' MMmmmMMMMM," Sisky put his hands together and made kissy sounds, making sure to keep his whole little show quiet so the two men wouldn't hear.

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 2:51 am

William looked away, tears in his eyes. "A small part? I don't want to be second to Alex, Gabe. I love you, but I can't stand being the substitute of someone you can't be with." He clenched his fists. "Why couldn't you tell me sooner? At least I would have been, I don't know, mentally prepared for this."

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

"You've got it all wrong!" Gabe said desperately. He wanted to shake William with his hands. "William! Are you telling me you think I'm... choosing Alex over you?" He awaited an answer. "Why would you think such a thing?"

Number of posts : 1592 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-07-13

Sisky silently wrapped his arms around Butcher again, suddenly feeling that their awkwardness over the whole sex thing was a very small problem. They'll work it out. He dragged his boyfriend down to the sand with him and sat curled in the older man's lap like they'd done before on the rock near the river.

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 3:02 am

William stepped back. "I ran after you after you left. I heard you call for him. You even said his name in your sleep." He smiled bitterly and shook his head. "I took you in my arms and you called me a fag. Now what? I'm wrong? Oh, please! I'm fucking tired of being lied to!"

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

Gabe shook his head. "Right..." he said. "It's useless to argue." He looked up with a straight face. "But I'll tell you one thing: I'll always choose you over Alex. No matter what I say in my fucking sleep." He grinded his teeth. "He happens to be my best-friend, William. Can't you understand that?"

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 3:17 am

"Fine!" William threw his arms up in defeat. "Fine, Gabe! Fine! I can understand that, maybe. But you left me without a valid reason and you won't say why. That I can't understand! You wouldn't even say you loved me, and I had to fucking deal with that. How do you think I feel?" He started crying. How he hated that Gabe was always the one to see him cry.

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

Gabe yelled. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU AND IT FUCKING SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME!" He grabbed William's shoulder and forced himself to look at the glistening eyes before him. "I got afraid. Look. It felt..." He blushed and started sobbing. "... too good. I didn't understand. I'd never felt that way for a guy, not even Alex. No one. No girl had ever made me feel that way. And I messed everything up because of that. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I hurt you because of my fears. My stupid, dumb insecurities..." He sobbed softly.

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 3:46 am

"Did it really matter so much?" William said softly, quietly. He cupped Gabe's cheek. "Why do we keep hurting eachother? Tell me." He kissed the man's lips tenderly. "You should have told me. Maybe I could have helped. You shouldn't be afraid."

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

Gabe felt himself lighten at William's touch. "I don't know," he said as he shook his head. "Being with you is really something else. I don't know about you, but I..." He swallowed. "...I've never lived anything like it." He chuckled softly. "I got scared with Alex. And I got scared with you. Except I couldn't deal when I left you."

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 9:25 am

"Well, you won't have to anymore. I'm not letting you leave again, okay?" William wrapped his arms around the man protectively. "At the risk of sounding cheesy...I don't think I knew what love was until I started being with you. It's a fucking emotional rollercoaster but it's worth every second of it." He smiled. "If it's so scary to you, we can keep it a secret. I'd rather do that than see you're unhappy." It was easy to guess what the problem was. "You can still be the very heterosexual Gabe who fell for some girly dude just once. It doesn't matter to me. It shouldn't matter to anyone."

Number of posts : 1592 Age : 36 Registration date : 2007-07-13

"Our little boy's growning up," Sisky whispered and fake sobbed into the Butcher's shoulder before giving his lover a kiss on the neck and relaxing back against him with a smile.

Number of posts : 1363 Age : 45 Registration date : 2007-06-25

Gabe nuzzled his face into Williams neck. "I'm such an idiot," he said. "How could I ever think I'd be happy without you? I'm an idiot. I don't care if anyone knows or not." He gave a weak laugh and whispered "I thought I'd done the last thing to lose you for good."

Subject: Re: Fall apart and start again Sun Sep 09, 2007 3:20 pm

"You could be the worst asshole on the face of Earth yet you wouldn't be able to get rid of me," William whispered with a chuckle. "That doesn't mean you're allowed to do it again, though." He moved a hand up Gabe's back and slowly massaged the man's neck with his fingers. "Don't leave me like that ever again."

» Fall is coming.